Bruce Broods
by ShougiKnight
Summary: This was my first unintentional crack fic. I wrote this forever ago, before I discovered fanfiction. yes, a time such as that existed. This was posted on my first attempt at a fanfiction account but I dont have the login info or password anymore, so it is here somewhere else too but I can't even find it myself. So here ya go.


Batman perched atop the cathedral in central Gotham. 'It had been a dream, that's all, just a terrible, horrible, dream…' That's not what that psychologist, Freud, said. He said that all dreams derive from either sexual or aggressive desires. What did that mean for him and Diana? Did he want to hurt her….No, he already knew the answer to that. Did that mean that he only had 'physical desires' for her? No, the answer to that was clear also. He respected her and her sisters' way of life. He had far too much respect for Diana. He had never felt this way about anyone. Sure, that's what he said every time a new romantic interest came into his life. "This one is different…" Not! But…Diana…maybe this truly was different. He didn't love her because of the metal swimsuit. He loved her because…well, there were a lot of things. She was noble. Not literally, she had been exiled, not 'noble' anymore, technically. Her spirit was noble. She had the soul of a goddess…without the moral flaws. A truly noble spirit, not arrogant like some girls he had met, some actually, literally, noble…brats. He'd never given Freud too much credit anyway. Diana was someone he could grow old with, continually enjoying her comp….wait, she was immortal, or at least partially…she would not grow old. How could she love a man who looked his age at eighty and still had the emotional issues of an eight year old? Somehow he knew that she would not care. 'Does she really love me though?' She had kissed him on the cheek after he had dug through rubble to try to save her, _that_ had been embarrassing! It had been one of their first missions together. How was he to know that she was almost as indestructible as Clark? But what does that mean? It was probably just out of thanks…But the Thanagarian invasion…is she that good of an actress?…it felt so real, so passionate…but she had apologized. 'Luckily, I had thought fast enough to pull the play boy routine out of the hat.' Yeah, luckily…hah! Why can't I tell her the truth?…fear of rejection of course. With his other 1, 2, 3…bah I'm not thinking about past interests…but I had been the one to break it off every single time…with his playboy girls it wasn't so hard, he had such a reputation that they pretty much expected it…it was easier to be the one who rejected…'Could I handle being the rejectee?'….I'm pretty sure that's not a word…oh well, I'll look it up when I get home…Beauty and the Beast…an ancient concept that didn't usually work…the beast was usually the one to get hurt…Diana, my bella rosa, my beautiful rose…mi amore…my love…could I really be in love this time? It feels so real! Ok, Bruce, don't overreact. Analyze, like the detective you are. Classic signs. Analyze, right. Ok…phew…I'm ready…do you get weak in the knees…no, I get stronger and faster, especially in my legs…showing off my masculinity…classic…exactly!…dang, I lose that one…ok, Does your vision get blurry…well there was that one time, no that was poison…umm no, not really but my eyes tend to wander to check up on her… fiercely protective?…dang, I lose that one too…ok, lastly and most importantly…would you give up your life for her?…I almost did, several times. During the alien invasion I had been the one cornered, Diana getting away and right before I "died" he had been thinking of Diana…which was strange since I had just met her…but the directions from J'onn had been clear cut and insistent and I survived…only to hear that Diana thought I was dead…and was heartbroken…I had cried…just two tears, but that had been enough…I couldn't bear to even hear that she was hurting…and I had only met her two hours previous!…but the look on her face when she saw me alive…that made it all worth it…then the Thanagarians…sure he had tried to be a hero, a martyr, by crashing the watchtower into their deep space bypass generator…but a supporting reason for that had been that all she had said was "sorry" not "wow" or "I l*** you Bruce" (he couldn't imagine her saying that truthfully, and when he tried it was always missing sound even if he could see her lips mouthing it, he just couldn't hear her saying that one word! It was very frustrating) and quite frankly he had felt hopeless about it. But the whole time he had been steering the watchtower to his death he had been thinking about her, regretting his decision to die and be the hero, and wishing that he had perfected that blasted time machine! And hoping against hope that _if_ he survived, that she _maybe_ could give him a chance…ok, yes, he loved her. Deeply, fiercely, desperately, passionately, and yes, _this_ time it _was_ different. He would never love anyone else. Even if she broke his heart. Blasted vow of Chastity…well that wasn't _exactly_ the problem…it was really just the general vow against men…it was the whole nun thing that had just come into his head first…maybe it's because he was on the roof of a church…was this one catholic? He couldn't remember…Diana a nun?…wait that wouldn't…hmmm….that would make an interesting picture…I have Photoshop® in the batcave…that might actually…black and white?…a habit…? Could it work….it should…hmmm…..

Any passerby looking up would have possibly been the most confused person in the whole of Gotham. They would have simply seen the Dark Knight, perched on a gargoyle's back…chuckling…About a minute passed and Bruce's chuckles were dying down. He heard static. Going silent, he listened intently until it was very clear. An answering chuckle sounded through Batman's clear comm. The Joker. "Hello, Batsy! I'm back! And the show's better than ever. I just called to let you know that the Hope Diamond is up for grabs tonight, by me! Yes, yes, I know it's cursed but why would that stop me?" more static followed this brief and disturbing message. Batman was stunned, the Hope Diamond? He had been under the impression that the Joker was one of the most superstitious criminals of all! A second later Batman's police radio buzzed, "All units in the area! Alert! The Joker has escaped from Arkham Asylum! All units…" Batman switched the radio off with a sigh. As usual, the local coppers were a little slow on the warning…oh well…Photoshop® will have to wait for later…


End file.
